On Gratitude, and Filling One's Cup

Here is a simple exercise that I practice, just to check in with myself: Make a mental picture of a peaceful place. For me, in my practice, I often visualize an ocean. All that space, filled with water and sky. What colors are in the water? What colors are in the sky? It can be anything! Take a deep breath in and out and feel the gratitude that it is there, singing up the spine and down the arms, igniting the heart center, the throat. Peace from the core to the fingertips and toes. That's it, that's the exercise. Instant joy.

But the kicker is that this exercise comes less naturally to me when I need to fill my cup - my ocean seems less full of vitality, sun sparkles, and abundance. It's harder to see, and harder to feel my gratitude. What I see may look more like a desert than an ocean. No giant, iridescent sea lilies would grow in it easily. This is when I know that I need to do those things which make my soul sing, so that my smile is ready and bright, so that I can continue to hold space for others.

And so this weekend has been less goal oriented, and more about following whatever I've wanted to do, without questioning it. Just wandering through my weekend, welcoming adventures. I found myself honoring various agreements, but slowly, and gently. I whimsically made a bouquet of freshly trimmed and fragrant juniper boughs. I went to Pho On The Block (newish restaurant in the Edison neighborhood) for a late lunch. Later, as the light grew longer and more concentrated, I went down to the garden on a mission, and was instead invited to visit a dear young woman and her three week old baby, fresh from heaven. Back at home, I had found myself going through my cookbooks. I found my old blue book that was my Busia's ("Busia" is Polish for grandmother). I found a simple recipe for dill pickles, in her hand. I smiled and tucked it back. Later, I watched "Boy" and "One Mississippi" with my husband, with a big pot of herbal tea, and a quietly purring cat on my lap. Before bed, I read a book, just for fun.

I was rewarded last night with a dream about my grandmother, now long gone. I only saw her hands, peeling and dividing an orange. She gave me a big glowing piece of it, and it was so sweet. It made me miss her as I haven't missed her in years. I woke up with tears, and joy. I have my gratitude, pouring through my being like clear springs roiling down a green mountain. Peace.

I hope everyone has a happy and fulfilling Sunday today. Lots of love.